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Inside the News by Mpakoo – All pieces appearing in this column are satire

All pieces appearing in this column are satire

AMA to congratulate mayor on successful demolition exercise that stopped Accra floods

The Accra Metropolitan Assembly (AMA) is expected to issue a press statement in the coming days to formally congratulate the Lord Mayor of Accra, Hon Alfred Okoe Vanderpuije, on what they describe as ‘the roaring success’ of the recent demolition exercise which prevented a disastrous flood on Friday. ‘The mayor …

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‘They can’t do me foko’ – Paul Afoko to NPP Disciplinary Committee

NPP National Chairman, Paul Afoko, has sent a sweet, little love message to the NPP Disciplinary Committee after snubbing an invitation to appear before the body to be queried for misconduct. ‘Please tell them I said they can’t “do me” foko’, Mr Afoko told journalists who questioned him about his …

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Pastor likens the daughter of Rawlings to the Son of God

A powerfully anointed charismatic pastor of an Accra-based mega-church has compared the trials and tribulations that Ezanetor Rawlings is suffering at the hands of the Klottey Korle constituency branch of the NDC to the sufferings that Jesus endured at the hands of the nation of Israel. ‘The Daughter of Rawlings …

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John Mahama and the epidemic of madness

They are crazy! They’ve gone absolutely insane! Someone call Profit (sorry Prophet) T. B. Joshua!’ President Mahama is now the centre of gravity of a gathering storm of an epidemic of madness. Earlier in the year, the Chief Psychiatrist at the Accra Psychiatric Hospital, Dr Akwesi Osei, warned that if …

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Kufuor prophesies nation-wide plague of yeast infection

Former President John Agyekum Kufuor has prophesied that a massive plague of yeast infection is about to hit every corner of the country, with wonderful consequences for all bakers in Ghana. Using his Oxford English, the man fondly known as ‘The Gentle Giant’ predicted that the consequence of this plague …

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Let everyone bloat the voters’ register in their own world bank – Fiifi Kwetey

The NDC MP for Ketu South, Honourable Fiifi Kwetey, has suggested that all political parties should be left alone to bloat the voters’ register in their strongholds, claiming that this is the only democratic solution to the ongoing controversy over the integrity of the register ahead of the 2016 polls. …

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Government introduces new currency for unpaid public sector workers

Unpaid public sector workers can now buy goods at the various markets across the country using government assurances, popularly known as Mahama Promises. Analysts at the Ghana Stock Exchange report that the new currency, Mahama Promise, has a higher value than the Ghana cedi, and shows remarkable robustness against foreign …

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The gods are not to blame – June 3 Disaster Committee

The gods have rejected in the clearest possible terms the testimony of their erstwhile spokesmen, the elders of the Ga State, who weeks ago had publicly declared that the destruction by flood and fire of June 3 was caused by the enraged deities of the Ga State. Speaking through their …

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