John Mahama and the epidemic of madness

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President John Mahama
President John Mahama

They are crazy! They’ve gone absolutely insane! Someone call Profit (sorry Prophet) T. B. Joshua!’ President Mahama is now the centre of gravity of a gathering storm of an epidemic of madness.

Earlier in the year, the Chief Psychiatrist at the Accra Psychiatric Hospital, Dr Akwesi Osei, warned that if nothing is done quickly, Dumsor was going to lead to a mental health crisis in the country.

The worst fears of the doctor are now being realised, but for some reason, they are all swirling like indignant vultures around the president, creating a foul halo over his head; and they all have their eyes on the seat of poor John Mahama!

First it was Mr Charles Antwi, a psychologically troubled man who declared that the only way to realise his presidential ambitions was to eliminate the sitting president.

At Antwi’s trial, Justice Francis Obiri, an eminent Judge of the High Court and an otherwise very sane man, caught the contagion of craziness, and in a fit of delirium and passion, slapped a 10-year jail term on Mr Antwi after claiming to have cured him using supernatural (no, super-legal!) means.

Having learnt from the mistakes of Charles Antwi, Mr George Boateng decided to take the legally prescribed route to unseating the president. However, the NDC General Secretary has charitably described Mr Boateng as a crazy man, in response to which Mr Boateng has returned the compliment by alluding to General Mosquito’s membership in the enviable Commune of the Crazies.

But apparently, the contagion has also spread to the Flagstaff House, where it is reported that the single most important man in the presidency, Stan Dogbe, suffered a blinding fit of madness during which he twirled, and flailed, and yelped like Cartoon Network’s Tasmanian Devil, lashed out at journalists, and chewed their pens and other recording equipment in his blind fury of madness.

Our investigations indicate that the contagion of craziness is also making itself felt powerfully in the headquarters of the NPP, where even the combined powers of the Invisible Forces appear totally impotent to keep off the insanity.

This epidemic of madness threatens to soon unleash itself on the general population. Won’t someone please call T. B. Joshua to come and profiteer – sorry, prophesy it out of our country?

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.

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