The gods are not to blame – June 3 Disaster Committee

Goil-fireThe gods have rejected in the clearest possible terms the testimony of their erstwhile spokesmen, the elders of the Ga State, who weeks ago had publicly declared that the destruction by flood and fire of June 3 was caused by the enraged deities of the Ga State.

Speaking through their new mouthpiece, a committee set up by President Mahama to investigate the disaster, the gods have finally revealed that they are not to blame for the catastrophe.

The gods were even good enough to preserve alive the perpetrator, Mr Seth Kwesi Ofosu, by making him fire-proof and helping him escape the conflagration without scorching a single hair on his body, so that in the fullness of time, he could be brought under the tender mercies of the BNI, who are in the habit of working very hard to spectacularly lose high profile cases in court.

And in a further move to show their goodwill towards the people of Ghana, the gods have given us a bonus gift by bringing to pass Honourable Elvis Afriyie Ankrah’s prophesy that the Kwame Nkrumah Circle will, in the twinkling of an eye, be transformed into New York City. And what a transmogrification it was! With all the pomp and pageantry of the presidency, President Mahama went with great ceremony to inaugurate a half-completed interchange, NDC flags all a-fluttering over a national shame, a celebration of mediocrity, ululation over a job not yet finished.

Information available to our correspondents suggests that the Flagstaff House will, in the coming days, open a tourist information centre for the many visitors who, according to information available only to the president, daily flock to the half-completed interchange to be underwhelmed by the greatest architectural achievement of the Mahama administration.

In other news, the launch by President Mahama of a preparation to design a 40-year Development Plan has given Ghanaians nightmarish reminiscences of the first committee established when the NDC had barely established its foothold in government, which consumed a whooping GH¢1.6 billion worth of tea and biscuits.

‘As for this one diɛɛ, we know nothing of it,’ the gods are reported to have said about the development planning committee. The gods are not to blame.

Speaking through their oracle, the gods have told Ghanaians that they can see the end of the proposed development plan from the beginning. And when the people asked the gods for a sign, just like they had asked a sign from Jesus in the days of old, the gods had simply pointed to the energy situation, and the ailing economy, and the hefty judgment debts paid out, and the elevated position that Elvis Afriyie Ankrah occupies in the Flagstaff House, and the Babies-with-sharp-teeth, and the Old Evil Dwarves, and the Greedy Bastards, and they had pronounced ominously: ‘Coming events cast their shadows. As it was in the beginning, so shall it be in the end!’

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on is satire.

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