Let everyone bloat the voters’ register in their own world bank – Fiifi Kwetey

Fiifi Kwetey - Agric Minister
Fiifi Kwetey – Agric Minister

The NDC MP for Ketu South, Honourable Fiifi Kwetey, has suggested that all political parties should be left alone to bloat the voters’ register in their strongholds, claiming that this is the only democratic solution to the ongoing controversy over the integrity of the register ahead of the 2016 polls.

‘The best solution is to give every party the chance to pad up the numbers in their own world banks,’ the former propaganda secretary of the NDC said on an Accra based radio station, ‘what is more democratic than this? Let’s give everyone the opportunity to shore up their numbers. At the end of the day, the one with the most numbers wins. Might makes right!’

Honourable Kwetey’s suggestion has been enthusiastically endorsed by big wigs and footsoldiers of the NDC. Speaking on the matter, Johnson Asiedu Nketia, aka General Mosquito, dismissed claims that a credible voters’ register was essential to Ghana’s electoral democracy:

‘Those people saying that the voters’ register has to be cleaned don’t know the true meaning of democracy. Democracy means government of the people. And if the only means by which this can be achieved is through theft and trickery, so be it!’

Meanwhile the Ghana Peace Council – a body that thrives on generating panic which did not before exist, and spreading it to all corners of the country during elections – has been gleefully rubbing its hands and licking its lips as it watches the controversy over the register unfold.

Our investigations indicate that they have already started piecing together a motley collection of video clips, with the ironic title, ‘We want Peace!’ but depicting apocalyptic scenes of corpse-strewn streets, gun-wielding toddlers, amputated limbs, gun shots and bomb blasts, blood and gore and misery and devastation, coming soon to a TV station near you during the campaign season for election 2016.

‘There’s a lot of money to be made in the scaremongering racket. And you know the best part?’ our reporter was told, ‘The best part is that the police wouldn’t even think of arresting us for causing fear, alarm, and panic!’

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.

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