Reasons why China rejected an application for loan by the Ministry of Finance to fund the ‘Gang of Four’ projects has until now been shrouded in secrecy. The finance minister, Hon Seth Tekper, has said the loan was declined because the Chinese deemed it to be financially nonviable.
However, the second lady, Mrs Matilda Amissah-Arthur, has put all speculations to rest with her version of the story. According to her, ‘the Chinese have justifiably grown sick and tired’ of our borrowing ways.
She said that they did not spend twenty minutes reading through the copious loan application. They just turned to the honourable finance minister and proceeded to scold him in impeccable Twi:
‘Finance Minister-eeh, yɛnn m’awu loan ɛnɛ, yɛnn m’awu loan ɔtsina,’ which is, being interpreted: ‘Dear Finance Minister, we won’t approve any loan for you today, we won’t approve any loan for you tomorrow!’
According to the second lady’s version of events, the Chinese instructed the crestfallen Seth Tekper to explore other ‘home-grown solutions’ to the country’s financial needs.
‘For instance,’ he is said to have been told, ‘why don’t you go to the Government’s Alumni, aka people who have benefited from the inefficiencies, the thefts, and the corruptions of the government. You could, for instance, approach Alfred Woyome, or Elvis Afriyie Ankrah, or Ronald Agambire of rLG.’
Meanwhile, the Flagstaff House has distanced itself from the comments of the second lady. They have described as ‘preposterous’ any claim that the comments of the second lady somehow reflect the position of government.
‘The NDC government recognises neither the office nor the person of the second lady,’ a statement released from government’s communications directorate read.
The statement advised anyone who wanted evidence that the second lady had ‘absolutely no role in the government to ‘look no further’ than the vice president himself, who has been described as ‘all but missing in action.’
‘’Nuff said!’ the statement concluded.
Meanwhile, the vice president, His Excellency Kwesi Amissah-Arthur, is not taking the emasculating government press release lying down. Hours after it was released, he joined Muslims gathered at the Independence Square to spread the gospel of economic salvation yet to come.
‘Your prayers have started bearing fruits,’ he told the joyous congregation of Eid celebrants. ‘And with the magical combination of your prayers and our new and improved smart borrowing tactics, it’s only a matter of time that the Chinese would change their minds and invite us to dip our fingers into their coffers and take as much as we please.’
Meanwhile, an internal Flagstaff House memo intercepted by our correspondents reveals that there are instructions that ‘the second lady should be kept very far away from any and every educational event of any shape, form or size.’
Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.