Inside the News by Mpakoo - All pieces appearing in this column are satire

Paul Afoko’s missing letter

On Jun 1, 2015 Last updated Jun 1, 2015

The mystery surrounding the absence of Mr Paul Afoko during the press conference by Akufo-Addo has finally been solved by an even bigger mystery. People were struck that the NPP party chairman was absent from an event which was meant to foster unity in the party. When asked by reporters to explain his absence, Mr Afoko said, ‘I wanted to go but I didn’t receive any invitation. So I sat home and wept.’

But the National Women’s Organiser of the NPP, Madam Otiko Djaba, has finally solved the mystery. ‘The party office is haunted by demons,’ she said on Citi FM. She explained that the letter was delivered to the party office but the demons ensured that it was misfiled. ‘If you go to the party office right now, you’ll find the letter there. But the devils misfiled it so Mr Afoko didn’t see it on time for the press conference.’

When asked to disclose the identity of these demons troubling the party, she replied, ‘Their identity remains a mystery to me, because they’re Invisible Forces. But I want to assure all NPP sympathisers to remain steadfast. We’re going to deal with these demons!’

Otiko Djaba is said to be the brain behind the one-week fasting and prayers declared by the leadership of the NPP. In an internal memo which has subsequently been leaked to Radio Gold, all NPP executives were directed to participate in the prayer sessions, but to ‘ensure that there’s no one around when you’re eating your lunch.’

Journalists at the NPP headquarters report that the fasting and prayers session has lifted up the spirits of all the NPP members present at the party office. They could see smiles on the faces of everyone, but they didn’t hear even a single stomach growling with hunger. What they heard, however, was a loud speaker blaring out lyrics of A. B. Crentsil’s hit song on loop:

‘You devil, go away from me!

‘You devil, go away from me!’

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.