The chances of the ruling National Democratic Congress (NDC) winning the 2016 presidential elections has been given a massive boost after it unveiled its most ambitious policy initiative since assuming the reins of government in January 2009. This genius policy move, according to party apparatchiks, is going to instantly eliminate unemployment, eradicate crime, abolish corruption, and reinvigorate the economy.
In a speech to inaugurate the policy, the Minister of Interior, Hon Mark Woyongo, told a press conference last week that this policy ‘is going to be the eraser that will wipe out any chance for the NPP in next year’s election.’
In sum, the policy is designed to absorb every undesirable element in the society into the law enforcement agencies. ‘We want to build the all-inclusive government that Kufuor promised but failed to deliver,’ Hon Woyongo told the group of astonished journalists. ‘So we’re going to create a space for hooligans, scoundrels, miscreants, and all the many shades of criminals out there.’ He made this announcement after the Azorka Boys successfully ensued that the Talensi by-election was conducted in a peaceful manner.
The policy comes in multiple layers of complexity. Petty thieves, area champions, and small-time trouble-makers will be constituted into neighbourhood watch committees. Burglar, swindlers, and extortionists will be incorporated into the customs service and the clearance departments of the ports and harbours. The police will get its fair share of tough-guys. And mafia-style organised gangs will be stationed in the Flagstaff House, where an office will be created for them in the Presidential Delivery Unit to coordinate the activities of the hooligans at the lower levels with those of the higher level members of the government.
‘We spent a long time thinking and working out the details of this policy,’ said Hon Woyongo, his well-fed face beaming with self-satisfied smiles. ‘We discussed it with our donor partners, and with the IMF, because we had to be sure that it was consistent with the austerity measures that they imposed on us with the bail-out package.’
It will be remembered that the IMF, as part of its bailout package, has recommended a variety of austerity measures, prominent among which was a freeze on public sector employment. The government thus needed to secure the blessings of its stern benefactors before this policy could be implemented.
‘And fortunately for us,’ the honourable minister exulted, ‘the IMF has given us the go ahead for this important job-creation initiative.’
This move from the government has earned it praise from unexpected quarters. The National Organiser of the NPP, John Boadu, has applauded the government, saying that for the first time since its election, the government is taking a decision that will benefit some people outside the government. ‘This is a good opportunity for us to make visible the Invisible Forces in our own party.’
But the police service is not so enthused about this development. A spokesperson for the police service said that ‘this is going to undermine the authority and dignity of the service,’ and she has warned that ‘any hooligan who comes forward to be registered will be immediately arrested.’
Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.