Have no fears, I’m not resigning – Lord Mayor Dr Okoe Vanderpuije

Oko Vanderpuije
Okoe Vanderpuije

Accra Mayor, Dr Alfred Okoe Vanderpuije, has assured Accra residents that he is still at post and will remain at post for a very long time to come. In an interview on an Accra-based radio station, Hon. Dr. Vanderpuije gave a word of comfort to listeners, ‘I want to assure Ghanaians and all my numerous fans that they should not fear. I am not resigning.’

The Honourable Lord Mayor insisted defiantly that he was not to blame for the disastrous floods. Instead, he told the shocked journalist that ‘if Ghanaians really wanted to vent their anger, then they should direct it to President Mahama and his cabinet, who justly deserve their ire.’

The amiable mayor of Accra said the flooding would not have occurred had President Mahama heeded warnings not to build his tourist attraction over the fountain at the Kwame Nkrumah Circle. ‘So this one too, is it my fault?’ he fumed. ‘But I don’t want people to be too angry with the president though, because he has privately apologised to me.’

The next target of the collective wrath of Ghanaians, according to Africa’s Best Mayor is the Finance Minister. The mayor suddenly adopted a fervently pious tone in slamming Hon Seth Terkper: ‘Before God and man, what the finance minister did wasn’t good all. You know that Ghanaians are a very decent people. We are very religious. And then you go and name a project “Conti Project.” What kind of behaviour is that?’

When the puzzled interviewer asked for clarification, the mayor explained that the name of the project is ‘almost vulgar.’ And this, he said, was cause for concern, ‘because someone is surely going to omit the “n” in “Conti” and very soon it’s going to be on the lips of children on the street and the moral fabric of the country is going to be destroyed. No wonder he’s not finding money to fund the project! Who do you think is going to fund this ridiculously-named project? God is not asleep!’

The Great President of Mayors asserted his own innocence in the matter. ‘Nobody can blame me! My good works are there for all to see. Only recently, the whole of Africa recognised this and gave me an award. No downpour, no deluge, no Noah’s flood, I repeat, no rainwater can wash away my achievements and my glory! As for those who want me to resign, they can forget it! My fans should not worry at all. In fact, just after this interview, I’m going to erect billboards all over town with the words, “I’m here to stay, Babe!”’

Okoe Vanderpuije said that his job is not finished yet. ‘This fight will continue!’ he said, slamming his fist on the table. ‘This fight will continue, I say. Next year, I’m going to bring home another international mayoral award. And then I’ll dedicate it to all Ghanaians.’ And then he ended on a graceful note: ‘Please, don’t let the sun go down on your anger at the president and his finance minister. After the sun goes down, start praying for them.

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.

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