The truth behind Presidential Delivery Unit

Felix Ofosu Kwakye
Felix Ofosu Kwakye

A press conference hastily organised by the Hon Felix Kwakye Ofosu, Deputy Minister of Communications, to explain the reason for the formation of the Presidential Delivery Unit (PDU), has left the country in shock.

According to Mr Ofosu, this move was made after weeks of speculation that the president was the father of actress Nadia Buari’s twins. He said that the president did not feel that this particular rumour deserves any reply, but that they still had to create this Unit to forestall any such rumours in the future.

‘For the avoidance of any doubt,’ said the deputy minister, ‘let no one assume the president is responsible for the birth of any baby, single, twins, triplets or quadruplets, until and unless the said babies were birthed at the Presidential Delivery Unit.’

During Q & A, a journalist from the Daily Guide, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, asked the deputy minister why the president has appointed Dr Valerie Sawyerr as the head of the delivery unit, rather than Hon Alhaji Muntaka, who has an enviable track record when it comes to all things babies and pampers. But the honourable deputy minister was much displeased by this question. He transfixed the journalist with a hostile stare and answered in a voice trembling with hostility:

‘Haven’t you been Inside the News? How can you want Muntaka to work near the president when he’s looking for an opportunity to make chinchinga out of the carcass of the Dead Goat? Next time, be careful about the questions you ask!’

Not deterred, the Daily Guide reporter again asked: ‘Will the Vice-President also be able to have his babies delivered in this Unit or is-?’

Her question was cut short. The deputy minister, guessing where the question was heading, replied angrily: ‘Watch it, woman! What are you trying to imply? Why do you even bring the Vice-President into this matter? When was the last time you heard of him? Even we at the Flagstaff House sometimes forget about his existence. Get out, I won’t allow this cynicism at this press conference!’

The former NDC communicator assured the public that the creation of this office is a step closer towards the achievement of the Better Ghana Agenda, ‘because it is going to, once and for all, provide a means of establishing who can legitimately claim to be the president’s child.’ He observed that if President Kufuor had created the PDU earlier, he would not have suffered such vexation from Gisselle Yazji, who had claimed to be the proud mother of Kufuor’s twins.

Meanwhile, late last night, in a press release signed by the Chief of Staff, Julius Debrah, the President Mahama offered his condolences to the people of Singapore over the death of Lee Kwan Yew, and promised the people of Ghana the same level of development which has become the legacy of the Singaporean statesman.

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.

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