Solution to ‘dumsor’ found

ElectricityWe introduce to you our new weekly satirical column ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’. This column would take a look and possibly swipes at our social, political, economic and religious lives. We hope you enjoy it, and expect it every Monday. – Editor

Ghanaians can finally heave a sigh of relief. In a rare exhibition of bi-partisan harmony, the ruling National Democratic Congress (NDC), the opposition New Patriotic Party (NPP), and their respective supporters, have succeeded in finding a solution to the energy crisis that has defied all efforts of politicians and technocrats. They did this by hatching a clever plan to harvest the high emotional energy that has characterised the commemoration of J. B. Danquah’s death.

Reports from various sources indicate that the high emotional energy was generated from loud and devastating head-butts between pro-Nkrumah and pro-Danquah factions. Energy experts have praised the NDC and NPP for the quick thinking which alerted them to the potential that the emotion debates had for solving one of the worst problems facing the country at the moment.

In a message to the press, an ecstatic President John Mahama said that this once again proves that Ghanaians will always find an ingenious way out of any crisis. He assured Ghanaians that “the solution is totally home-grown.” For instance, the device for both harvesting the emotional energy and transforming it to electric power is being developed by Safo Kantanka, he revealed. After his speech, the president briefly danced to Daddy Lumba’s “Yentie Obiaa.”

On their part, the NPP expressed satisfaction that the commemoration of their icon’s legacy has generated the energy needed to power the nation’s industries. Speaking to journalists after the memorial lecture, the NPP flagbearer, Nana Akufo Addo, was hopeful that this would yield some votes for his party come 2016.

Industry analysts say there is reason to believe that the next few days will bring even better news. The commemoration of the coup that ousted Kwame Nkrumah, Ghana’s first president, will take place on 24th February, and a few days after that, Independence Day will be celebrated. “These events are going to provide us with abundant opportunities for long, heated debates,” said Theo Acheampong, a young scholar who specialises in Economics of Energy. “Just imagine the possibilities,” he continued, a wide grin splashed across his face.

But apparently, the good news doesn’t end there. Professors at English and Linguistic Departments at the University of Cape Coast are reported to have said that with this singular achievement, Ghana has probably left an indelible mark on the English language. Unproductive arguments are usually characterised as “producing heat but no light,” explained a professor with a stolid, venerable face. “But for the first time in history,” he continued, a smile suddenly breaking across his stern face, “Ghana is going to convert the heat from such debates to produce light and power industries.” He proudly noted that this was a great time to be Ghanaian, and, to emphasise his point, waved a miniature flag at the interviewer.

In a rare show of sportsmanship, an NDC communicator was heard on radio commending the NPP for helping the government solve the power crisis. He said that NPP members have “clearly been elevated.”

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